I drink because I’m fat and I’m fat because I’m a baby.
The only thing that could improve this moment is a 3am Wendy’s Baconator. Half on my face, half in my belly.
And you not judging me.
“Quick. You hold his head still and I’ll go grab the Sharpie.”
One throaty grunt from Modesta translates to over a 100 different sayings. Problem is you’ve only got five seconds to decipher whether she means “Oy Papi” or “Oy Papi don’t poke this Hood Bear or I’ll play shiv the inmate with your car tires”
Itty Bitty Betsy only caught one song of LCD’s final show live broadcast. Thankfully it was the one that completely embodies her rubber tits and liquor modus operandi, “Drunk Girls.”
In preparation for SXSW, Susan’s been existing on a steady diet of Lone Star and BBQ sauce.
Despite the warnings, Jared went and ordered his #tigerblood over the internet again. Not the same.
This guy drinks to forget about the skinny posh kids in daycare who throw crayons at him while he eats glue like peanut butter and cries at the same time.
The first few shipments of Snoop Dogg’s Blast by Colt 45 have been sent out and needless to say, they’ve been getting fucking rave reviews.
For its new season Intervention has decided to feature their youngest addict to date.
No matter the shape, no matter the size. Everyone stepped their goddamn game up for #snowpocalypse 2011.
Gavin decided he’d better button up that Polo and fix his hair. Why? ‘Cause that huge Martha Plimpton-looking rack of lamb (trust me) threatened to dump his beer out if he didn’t.
Turns out eggnog, without the egg or the nog, is just brandy. But brandy be fuckin’ good.
“Sorry I’m late for lunch Dad. I started drinking mimosas and Jimmy showed up …yadda yadda yadda… I couldn’t find my Strawberry Shortcake panties.”
Birthday or not, give this blonde a dollar and she’ll stick anything in her mouth. ANYTHING.